A Story

I wrote a story on sexual abuse-

Crakked

Slut. It's a poweful word. As I look up at my hospice nurse I can only think of how I came to be here. It was not so long ago. Only 13 years.

Of course, being 18 isn't all it's cut out to be. Balancing school, chear, and my Dad are three totally differey things. It was Dad who got me into cheer. He told me I looked so beautiful and he adored watching me. My mom never came to my meets. After I had returned from homecoming, I heard them fighting. "David, they look at you, it's not right! God dammit, what have you become!?" then I heard more. And the word again. Slut. Slut! SLUT!
I drifted away, into a world of dream.

My Dad used to call me that, so I figured it was a compliment. With all the groans and love mom gves Dad after he calls her that, I came to the assumption It was. Ever since I was four Dad loved to kiss me good night. That's how I got the name.

"it's ok, it's not dirty" he used to tell me. I knew it wasn't. I think. He told me to grasp it, to spit on it. Then he said it to me again. Slut. I asked him what it meant. He told me that he loved me, and that mommy was coming home soon. "this is our little secret, I'm yours honey." I knew from my friends that this is a sign to keep a secret.

He did this up until I was eleven. And then it stopped. One day I got dressed up and went to a large room. I think it was. Court. I wad told later that my Dad had gained full custody after the divorce case. Divorce? When? How? WHY?

When me and Dad go home he locked the door behind him. I started to cry as he removed his belt. I thought he was going to beat me. He told me to come over, and kiss him. "kiss here. It feels good. I love you"

I began to be called the word a lot. I love you. Slut. Come with m. Slut. Get to bed. Slut. I had begun to start liking boys at 13 an my sex dreams got wild. I soon realized what I had become. And Daddy feared this day, when his little toy woul be a woman. I learned about it in sex Ed. I didn't know what to do. Daddy did. "slut, get over here. You can't go to school anymore, it's... Broke." I had only to wonder. This went on for a while.

At 17 I began drinking. My boyfriend atthe time, Jake was going into the military. He taught me how to use his 9mm. H taught me to shoot, to aim, and to cock. Funny words. I'd heard them before... Than I knew what to do. I had my plan. No Daddy would stop me. I would cock, lock and load. Bo ex would stop me.

I got my 9mm, and A bottle of pure alcohol. I went to the CVS and ordered a whole jar oxicodine. If only my Dd loved me. If only staring at who I had become, the gun in my hand had stopped me. Afte that there was no one to stop me. I drank, and popped. It was all over. 1 to asylum. 2 to morgue.


-Posted on Igl Mobile